The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
