we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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