A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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