i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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