hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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