I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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