I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
