i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
