Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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