It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
