This girl is more easily done than said...
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
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