i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
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Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
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I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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