My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
