Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
