it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
