I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
