i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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