Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
