dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
