Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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