i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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