just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You may now shotgun with the bride
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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