Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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