I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
