All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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