i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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