I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
