Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
