Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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