I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
