i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My dick has a subreddit
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
