I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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