U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
