I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
It was confusing and full of hummus
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
