Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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