my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
