Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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