i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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