don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
