Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
