I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
