I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
