Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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