Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
