Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
