I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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