Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
