I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
