I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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