So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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