dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
