I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
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Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
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I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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