i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
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