Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
