Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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