My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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