Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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