good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
