I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
