If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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