I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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