i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
