These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
