I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
