I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
