My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
