If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
