If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
