new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
