Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
