Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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