Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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